Madness on Olympus
by BackgroundRobot-11
Summary: Featuing the day to day life of Hades and his friends as they struggle to cope in a world of insane Gods, fanatical worshippers and...bizarre monsters. On hiatus until I get new ideas  I'll take suggestions
1. And so it begins

Sparky: Hello, and welcome to the very first instalment of...Madness on Olympus! Yes, Madness on Olympus, the series where we regularly see the stresses of being an immortal Greek God...well, at least a _sane _immortal Greek God, like Hades. So, I guess it should be said that the Author owns nothing, just in case...are Greek characters public domain? Whatever, in any case we hope that you enjoy the following fic, please don't forget to review, and finally...thanks for reading!

* * *

Hades sighed, once again, he and Persephone were being forced to attend another one of Zeus' mandatory Godly meetings, and he knew that it would be for something stupid, such as flooding a city, or accidentally releasing Typhon...again.

"Hades? Sweetie, are you sure you don't want to take your helm off?" Persephone asked as she peered at Hades.

"I'd rather keep it on, it helps to drown out those idiots when they speak." Hades replied.

Persephone sighed "Alright, but Zeus won't like it.

Hades snorted derisively "What my idiot brother does or doesn't like is his concern and frankly, he can just go and-!"

"Ah, brother! Persephone!" Zeus greeted as he walked up to them, taking Persephone's hand and trailing kisses up her arm.

Hades growled and gripped the handle of his bident firmly. Fortunately, Zeus relented and turned to Hades "So, how ya been man? How's life in the underworld treating you?"

Hades shrugged "Bout the same as always, it's dark, damp, full of dead people and gold, the usual."

"And I hear that you've started up a little club of sorts?" Zeus asked.

Hades rolled his eyes "It's not a club, it's just a bunch of us Gods getting together every now and then."

"Ah yes, and I hear that there are a lot of chicks at this club, I'm sure you enjoy that, eh Clymenus?" Zeus asked with a suggestive wink.

Hades bristled "First of all _brother_, I am happily married, and unlike you, I see no need to constantly find pleasure in mortals and second of all I THOUGHT I TOLD YOU NEVER TO CALL ME THAT!-!"

Zeus held up his hands "Hey _sorry,_ jeez, you need to calm down Clymenus, you've got quite the temper!"

Hades ground his teeth "Stop. Calling. Me. That."

"Hey, you know why no one calls you Hades, it's because you're a creepy little Underworld king and no one can stomach the idea of death worship." Zeus replied.

"But I'm not the God of death!" Hades snapped "That's Thanatos damn you! Thanatos!"

Zeus shrugged "Yeah yeah, whatever, that's just another one of your aliases I bet." Zeus said, oblivious to Hades' death grip on his bident "Well, I gotta get to that meeting and assuming that you two don't want to end up in Tartarus, you'll be there too! Bye!"

And with that, Zeus walked off, leaving a very irked off Hades and an exasperated Persephone.

"I swear to Olympia that that little idiot gets dumber every century!" Hades seethed.

Persephone sighed "Don't worry, I'm sure that his little meeting won't be long, and then we can go back home, maybe invite some friends over?"

"Very well, it's Sobek's time to bring the beer this time, and the Egyptians do make a very fine alcohol."

"Well good then!" Persephone replied brightly "Well, come on then, better not keep the King Idiot waiting, who knows what he'd do!"

* * *

"You did WHAT?-!" Poseidon exclaimed, gripping the meeting table tightly.

Zeus smiled nervously and rubbed the back of his head "Yeah, I accidentally teleported Scylla into Crete...my bad!"

The other Gods and Goddesses took this news in varying ways, Eros groaned and covered his eyes, Persephone gasped, Hades ground his teeth, Eos looked upset, Tithonus chirped nervously, Selene slapped her forehead in exasperation, Helios whimpered, Hera looked shocked, Artemis' jaw dropped, Apollo and Hermes exchanged amused glances, Thanatos growled, Aphrodite giggled, Demeter looked somewhat indifferent, Dionysus did a spit take and clutched onto his thyrsus as Pan watched on, Hestia seemed appalled, Hephaestus slammed a mechanised fist down, Athena rolled her eyes, Eris grinned maliciously and Ares, Phobos and Deimos laughed.

"Damn it Zeus! Why the hell did you do that?" Poseidon asked.

"Hey, those losers were asking for fish, I gave it to them...and a giant multi headed, tentacled, man eating monster...but they got their fish!" Zeus replied.

Poseidon scowled and his eyes flashed a deep blue colour as he grasped his trident.

"But I sent Talos to deal with her, so it should be fine!" Zeus reassured his fellow Gods.

It was at this point that a gigantic bronze man with wings came crashing into the meeting room, sending everyone flying.

"Talos! What happened?" Hephaestus asked in shock as he ran up his creation.

"Ah yes, how goes the battle then?" Zeus asked as he picked up a chalice of ambrosia and drank.

Talos groaned as he clutched at his head "Badly my lord, the beast is strong, she sent me flying here with but a single swing of her tail!"

Zeus put down the chalice "Huh..."

Hephaestus glared at his father "Is that all that you can say?-! "Huh"? Do something for Olympia's sakes!"

Zeus seemed to think it over "Hmmm, well, I suppose I could throw down a lightning bolt at her-"

"NO!" The entire pantheon exclaimed at once, they remembered all too well what had happened the last time that Zeus had tried to hit something with one of those God damned lightning bolts.

"Ok fine then, what do you people want me to do?" Zeus asked in an exasperated tone.

"Oooh! Helios could stop her!" Eos suggested "Right big brother?"

Everyone turned to see what Helios had to say...only to see that he wasn't there anymore.

"Our brother the hero." Selene said with a derisive snort.

Zeus sighed "Ares?"

Ares chuckled in response "Stop that thing? Are you kidding me? I think I'll grab a chair and watch as Crete burns! Suck on that Minos!"

* * *

In the underworld...

"Something wrong Minos?" Rhadamanthus asked.

"I'm not sure, but suddenly I have the strangest urge to kick Ares in the face..." Minos replied.

* * *

"Ok, so if Ares won't do it, Talos is too messed up and Helios is too much of a wuss, then who will?" Zeus asked.

Suddenly, Pan began playing music which sounded suspiciously like what would one day be known as _Eye of the Tiger. _They all turned to see Hermes and Apollo standing on a raised pedestal, Apollo with a bow in his hands while Hermes held onto his caduceus.

"Ladies and gentlemen, your heroes!" Apollo cried.

"Hermes, giant killer extraordinaire!" Hermes exclaimed.

"And Apollo the Radiant! Master of the bow and of light!" Apollo added as he raised his bow.

"Hmph, second to me of course." Eros muttered to Psyche.

"Very well, you two believe that you can best the mighty Scylla?" Hades asked the duo.

"Of course my dear Clymenus, for if not us, then who among you would?" Apollo asked teasingly, ignoring Hades anger at being called Clymenus.

"I am seriously hoping that she kills you Apollo, I really am." Hades replied.

"Ah, don't be that way Hades, you know Apollo, always teasing." Hermes replied, elbowing Apollo.

"Well what are you waiting for? Get down there and beat that freak!" Poseidon snapped.

"Jeez, don't get so irritable Poseidon, remember your blood pressure!" Apollo joked.

In response, Poseidon swung his trident at Apollo, barely missing.

"Temper temper uncle, but I get the hint, come on Hermes, shall we show these amateurs how it's done?" Apollo asked.

"Tartarus yeah!" Hermes replied as he made a dash for the balcony, closely followed by Apollo.

"Selene dear, your wings if you please!" Apollo cried as he snatched Selene's wings off of her back and placed them on his own.

"Hey! You arrogant little-!" Selene shouted, although Apollo ignored her.

"That wasn't very polite, was it Tithonus?" Eos asked the cicada on her shoulder.

Tithonus chirped in response.

"That brother of mine, always in a rush." Artemis muttered.

Reaching the balcony, Hermes ran straight down the vertical sides of Mount Olympus, as Apollo leapt off and went into a straight dive.

"There they go." Athena said.

"Yep...ok, who wants to bet that Scylla devours them?" Poseidon asked.

"seven hundred drachma that she rips them limb from limb!" Zeus wagered.

"Wow, the confidence in this room is overpowering." Persephone muttered to Hades.

* * *

Down in Crete, Scylla was still on her rampage, destroying buildings with her tentacles while devouring dozens of people with her many heads. Suddenly, she felt several painful stinging sensations in her back. Roaring, she looked up, to see a winged Olympian firing at her with arrows made of solid light as another came nosediving towards the ground while shooting fire from a staff.

"Direct hit!" Hermes cheered, before launching several more fireballs.

"Plenty more to come Hermes! Now pay attention, you just might learn something!" Apollo exclaimed as he drew back his bowstring and fired seven arrows at once at the might sea beast.

Scylla roared in agony as the arrows pierced her hide.

"Impressive, but let's see how she likes this!" Hermes cried out as he powered up a massive fireball and launched it at Scylla.

To their surprise, one of the heads opened her jaws and swallowed the fireball whole...only to scream seconds later as smoke poured from her mouth and her neck glowed red from the heat.

"Ha! Very nice! Time to finish it, wouldn't you say?" Apollo asked as he fired four more arrows in rapid succession.

"I think you might be right Apollo!" Hermes agreed as he swooped down near Scylla's stomach "Quick, this way!"

Apollo obliged "Ok, now what?"

Hermes smiled "Fire her."

Apollo balked "What?"

"You heard me, fire Scylla!" Hermes repeated.

Apollo looked stunned for a second, before grinning "I like this idea Hermes! This ought to be good!"

So Apollo actually picked up Scylla and placed her between the bow and the string and...

* * *

"My, what a glorious day here, wouldn't you agree Xeno?" Zethos asked the young scout.

"Oh indeed Zethos, very beautiful." Xeno agreed.

Suddenly, a large shadow passed over them "Hmm, it's gotten quite dark all of a sudden, perchance some rain?"

Xeno frowned "Rain? At this time of year? No, I don't think so..."

Zethos looked up "Then what...Oh. My. Zeus..."

And so, Scylla was returned to the sea, and Atlantis sunk beneath the waves in what would be come to be known as "The Day When Apollo and Hermes Fucked up Big Time".

* * *

In Olympus, Poseidon stood slack jawed as he witnessed the complete destruction of Atlantis "I don't believe it..."

Behind him, Pan, Dionysus and Ares snickered at his bad luck as Thanatos looked aghast at all the dead he would have to collect with that fool Hermes.

Hades placed a hand to his helm and sighed "Those idiots..."

At that point, Hermes and Apollo returned, laughing their heads off at their "triumph".

"Well, I think that went quite well, wouldn't you say Apollo?" Hermes asked.

"Oh yes, quite well indeed Hermes!" Apollo said with a slight laugh.

"Hey, what's up y'all?" Hermes asked, oblivious to the glares that Hades, Poseidon and Thanatos were giving him.

"Uh oh..." Apollo muttered as Poseidon suddenly surged forward, like a mighty wave.

"AAAAAAAHHHHH!" The two screamed as they were promptly thrown off of Olympus.

"Well there go my wings." Selene muttered in annoyance.

"Don't worry, I can lend you mine." Eos assured her sister.

"Yay." Selene replied in a sarcastic tone.

Zeus meanwhile, had sat back down at the remains of the table "Well, I think that went quite well then. Hephaestus, you repair Talos, Thanatos, go pick up Hermes and collect all those drowned souls, Ares, you can...I dunno, start a war, or something..."

"Tartarus yeah! Come on Eris, Phobos, Deimos! Let's go kick the shit out of Persia!" Ares exclaimed, before running off with his children and sister.

"Poseidon, you can clean up the wreckage of Atlantis and put Scylla back in her rightful place..."

Poseidon growled in response.

"Selene, you get ready for your rounds, and Clymenus, you and Perse go back to your hell pit with all those dead spirits!" Zeus concluded with a grin.

Hades clenched his hands into fists and scowled, only calming down when Persephone took his hand.

* * *

In the underworld, Hades sighed as he laid down on his couch. It had been a long and tiring day and now he needed to relax.

Suddenly, the doorbell rang, and Hades sighed as he got up to get it. Opening the door, he was surprised to see Sobek standing there with a case of beer.

"Sobek?" Hades asked in surprise.

"Hey Hades, Perse called and said you might need cheering up...I brought beer!" Sobek exclaimed as he raised the case.

Hades gave a small smile "Ok, come in then...are the others with you?"

Sobek nodded "Yeah, I met up with Selene, Eos and that bug that she carries around with her, they said they'd be here soon."

Hades clapped his hands "Excellent, go in and break out the beer, Olympia knows I could use a drink."

"Right on man, let the good times roll!" Sobek exclaimed.

Hades was about to join him in the living room when the doorbell rang again.

"Surprise!" Eros cried as he stood in the doorway with Psyche and Hestia "Persephone invited us, said you needed a pick me up!"

Hades chuckled "Yeah, honestly I do, Sobek's in the living room...he brought beer too."

"Awesome!" Eros exclaimed "So, we coming in?"

"Go on." Hades said, and was about to close the door when Selene, Eos and Tithonus arrived.

"Hey Hades! How are you?" Eos asked, her usual huge grin on her face.

"I've been better, but now that you guys are here I think I'll be ok." Hades replied.

"Great! Come on sis, let's see if Sobek brought out the beer yet!" Eos cried, dragging Selene in by her arm.

Hades smiled, as bad as the day had been, at least it was almost over know and those idiots Zeus, Poseidon and Ares weren't there...or that bitch Demeter...or that Titan scrote Aphrodite...or those lunatics Eris, Phobos and Deimos...or the immature pair of Apollo and Hermes...Or those drunken gits Dionysus and Pan...

And with that, he returned to the living room to be with his friends.

* * *

Sparky: And there you have it! Chapter the first of Madness on Olympus! Yeah! Hopefully we'll have a second chapter up as soon as possible, but hey, things happen...or the Author gets distracted...yeah, that happens a lot...a lot a lot...Anyway, tell us what you think! And so, we hope that you enjoyed the following fic, please don't forget to review and finally...thanks for reading! Until the next chapter!


	2. The Scott Pilgrim ParodyHomage

Gauntlet: Ok, and welcome to chapter the second of Madness on Olympus, also known as MoO two...So, are Greek mythological figures public domain? The Author is way too lazy to check. Eh, in any case the Author owns nothing...Nothing. As a side note, due to fanboying out after seeing _Scott Pilgrim vs. The World_, that's kinda what part of the plot will be a tribute too, go figure. Anyway, we hope that you enjoy, yada, yada, yada, please review, blah, blah, blah and of course...Thanks for reading!

* * *

Sobek crashed down on the couch and grabbed one of the beers that he had brought "So, how's it going guys?"

Hades shrugged "Same as usual, surrounded by Zeus and his merry band of lunatics."

Sobek nodded in understanding.

"And how's life in Egypt?" Persephone asked.

"Ah, some little creep poured a load of blood in the Nile, seriously damaged my reputation, not to mention all the Ma'at damned frogs and crocodiles who've started to leave the Nile and wandering into the cities, its' really pissing off Heqet, I can tell you." Sobek replied.

"Aw, what a douche, man." Eros muttered as he opened his beer.

"Tell me about it." Sobek muttered "Probably some little upstart sorcerer, you know what they're like...Oh! Selene, this is for you." Sobek exclaimed, before pulling out an envelope.

"Who's it from?" Selene asked, peering closely at the envelope.

"It says so on the front." Sobek pointed out.

"Disc, squiggly line, straight line, reed...I think, bird, arm, bird..." Selene peered down at Sobek "I don't speak drawing."

"Oh...well, who else would it be? How many other Egyptian deities do you know?" Sobek asked.

Selene blushed "Oh...Khonsu?"

Sobek nodded.

"Selene's got a boyfriend! Selene's got a boyfriend!" Eros and Eos began taunting as Psyche rolled her eyes.

Both were immediately quiet when Selene turned to face them and her eyes were ablaze with blue fire.

Hades cleared his throat and the others turned to look at him "So, uh, what do you guys want to do now?"

Awkward silence...

"Uh...Egyptian _Twister_?" Sobek suggested as he pulled out a board game, seemingly from nowhere.

Hades sighed "Pass me the damn spinning disk..."

* * *

Meanwhile, in the Gardens of Olympus...

"So Dia, how does it feel to be in a relationship with ZEUS! KING OF THE GODS?-!" Zeus asked his latest fling.

"Um...it's kinda weird actually, I mean, I've heard a lot of stories about your, um...other relationships..." Dia replied.

In response, Zeus chuckled "Oh, those are all rumours...probably! Anyway, what do you feel like doing?"

"Well, I've always wanted to see Argos, and with you being the King of the Gods and all, I thought-" Dia began, only for Zeus to interrupt her.

"Eh, you know what? I feel like going out to see a show! That cool?" Zeus asked.

"Oh...I guess so..." Dia murmured.

"Great! Off we go then!" Zeus exclaimed, grabbing Dia's arm and teleporting her off to a theatre.

"Um, where are we?" Dia asked, looking around.

"I thought we'd see something funny, so I took us to the one where they recreate the life of Orpheus!" Zeus replied.

"I don't think that's supposed to be funny..." Dia pointed out.

"No, I'm sure it's a comedy! Oh look, Hera just blinded Orpheus! Haha!" Zeus burst out into laughter.

"Um, maybe we should-" Dia began, only to be cut off when the stage exploded.

"What in the name of Me?" Zeus asked, before a figure stepped out of the ruined stage.

"DIA!" The figure shouted, before jumping out of the wreckage and into the stands.

Dia was quite surprised to see that it was a tall, exceedingly beautiful, dark eyed woman wearing Spartan armour.

"Uh, wha...? Who are you?" Dia asked, shocked.

The woman made a very bizarre pose as she answered "It is I, Alcmene, mother of Heracles and the first of Zeus' Seven Evil Exes! Consider our fight...begun!" And with that, she leapt again, this time trying to punch Dia.

"Eep!" Dia exclaimed as she leapt out of the way, barely dodging Alcmene's fist.

"Quit running coward!" Alcmene shouted as she lobbed two theatre goers at Dia.

"Wait! What the Tartarus is going on?-!" Dia cried.

Alcmene paused "Wait, didn't you get my message? Y'know, the one explaining the whole situation about having to fight me and the other Six Evil Exes?"

"No..." Dia replied.

In response, Alcmene turned to glare at Ceryx, who was standing on the sidelines, watching with Hermes and Apollo.

"Oh thanks a lot genius! You were supposed to give her the message!" Alcmene snapped.

Ceryx shrugged "Hey, I'm just the backup guy."

Hermes slapped the back of his head "You idiot! I give you one job, one job and you can't even do that!"

Alcmene sighed and turned back to Dia "So...where were we?"

"Um, you were about to go off and...slay a monster or something?" Dia offered.

Alcmene chuckled "Nice try, now die! Oh hey, that rhymes!"

Dia dodged frantically as Alcmene tried to attack her "Um, why are we doing this exactly?"

"Oh, well ya see, Hera, tired of Zeus constantly cheating on her, found six of Zeus' old flings and assemble them in order to take revenge on Zeus for jilting and cursing us!" Alcmene replied.

"But...wasn't Hera the one who cursed you?" Dia pointed out.

"Uh...shut up!" Alcmene snapped, before finally landing a punch, sending Dia flying.

She landed in a heap, before picking herself up "Ok, that's it! No more miss nice Nymph!"

And with that, Dia surged forward, punching Alcmene, who was knocked back.

"Hmm, not bad freak, but let's see how you like this!" Alcmene cried as she literally ripped the ground right out from under Dia's feet.

"Whoa!" Dia exclaimed as she was sent sprawling.

"Well, totally nice meeting you and all, but now you have to die!" Alcmene shouted as she raised her fist.

Dia quickly tapped the ground, and instantly, a tree shot out from under Alcmene, sending her flying...and crashing down seconds later, where she exploded into a few coins.

"Oh hey, drachma! Sweet!" Zeus exclaimed as he picked up one of the coins and bit down on one, ignoring its screams.

Panting, Dia turned to glare at Zeus "Is there something that you forgot to tell me?"

"Hmmm? What? Oh, yeah, you may have to defeat my Seven...Six Evil Exes and stuff...Aw man, she wasn't worth very much!" Zeus exclaimed as he realised that altogether there was only $2.10.

"So when are the rest supposed to show up?" Dia asked.

Zeus shrugged "Could be right now or it could be...right now." Zeus replied.

"Huh?" Dia asked, before a blow from behind sent her sprawling.

"Oh! Sorry, it just seemed smart to take advantage of your distraction!" The newest challenger apologised.

Dia groaned as she picked herself up "Ugh...who are you?"

Standing before Dia was a beautiful Nymph, but her attire was strange, it looked...Egyptian? In addition, Dia could see that she was carrying a strange looking pendant.

"My name is Io, and I am the second of Zeus' Evil Exes! Even though I have to destroy you now, I hope that doesn't mean we can't still be friends!" Io greeted.

Dia was puzzled to say the least "So, uh...are we gonna fight?"

Io giggled "Of course! I guess I'll start!" And with that, Io raised the pendant which she had been holding "By the Power of Ra!"

Suddenly, Io was overcome by a bright light, and when it faded, Dia was amazed to see that she was now covered in blue armour...which made her look like a cow.

"Dude, what's with the mystical cow powers?" Dia asked.

"You ever see _Mummies Alive_?" Io asked.

Dia turned and glared "Hey! I thought we were going to be cutting back on pop culture references in this story! Besides, the Author barely remembers that show, aside from vague memories of the transformation sequences!"

Io shrugged "Well, I think he got the references out of his system now, so let's keep fighting!"

Dia sighed "Fine..."

And so, the two leapt at each other...

* * *

Back in the Underworld, Hestia was watching the others play Egyptian scrabble...or rather, try to play Egyptian scrabble, seeing as how none of them could read the hieroglyphs. Sobek was apparently winning...or at least claiming to be, it was hard to tell.

At that point, Psyche walked up and stood next to Hestia "Hey."

"Hello Psyche." Hestia replied.

"So, why aren't you joining in on all this?" Psyche asked.

"Eh, I don't particularly feel like joining in...besides, I can't read hieroglyphs."

"Neither can they and it's not stopping them." Psyche pointed out.

"Alright! Triple word score!" Eros exclaimed.

Sobek snickered in response.

"What? What?" Eros asked, looking confused.

"You just spelled...Hahaha!" Sobek burst into laughter as the others looked on in puzzlement.

"Hmmm...Well why don't you join in?" Hestia asked.

"Same reason as you I guess." Psyche replied with a shrug.

"I think I'll-" Hestia began, starting forward.

Only to jump back when the board and all the tiles were thrown across the room.

Everyone stared at Selene, mouths agape, eyes wide.

"New game." Was all Selene said in her usual monotone voice.

And moving on...

* * *

Io groaned as she collapsed, before glowing and transforming into approximately $14.50 worth in drachma.

Dia panted as she lowered her fist and turned to look back at Zeus "Seven ex girlfriends? Really?"

In response, Zeus shrugged "Exes, and they were all hot, I liked that...And then of course I got bored with them, so..."

Dia exclaimed in disgust "Alright, so who's next?"

Suddenly, an arrow whizzed by her head, and the ground which the arrow was stuck in quickly turned into a starry patch of sky. Dia turned to see an golden armour clad Nymph, her skin dark blue and dotted with stars holding a bow floating above her.

"Who are you?" Dia gasped.

"Callisto...Ursa Minor...take your pick..." The Nymph replied.

Dia groaned in response "Alright, let's get this over with..."

Without warning, Callisto suddenly started to grow taller, her mouth began to jut out, and hair began to sprout all over her body. When this bizarre sequence was over, where Callisto had been, there was now a bear wearing her armour. Dia looked on in shock.

"Oh yeah, I can turn into a bear as well." Callisto stated with a slight shrug...betcha didn't know bears could shrug, did you? Well they totally can...I think.

* * *

Back in the Underworld, Sobek's little games were still going, much to the annoyance of Psyche, who had little patience for them. She was glad when the doorbell rang, it gave her a chance to creep away.

"I'll get it." Psyche said, walking over to the door and opening it to se Hecate, Hypnos, Zephyrus, the Erinyes and a very reluctant looking Thanatos.

"Hi there!" Hecate greeted with a smile "Can we come in?"

"Uh...one moment please." Psyche muttered, before calling to Hades "Hey Hades! You invite anyone else?"

Hades walked over to see who was there "Oh, hello Hecate, I assume you're here to see Persephone?"

"Yep! Sure am! So, can I come in?" Hecate asked sweetly.

Hades sighed "Go on in..."

"Thank you! Persephone!" Hecate cried, walking through.

SQUEEEE!

The others shuddered at the sound of the squeal. Evidently, Persephone was pleased by Hecate's surprise visit.

"And what do you want?" Hades asked, talking to Hypnos and Zephyrus as Psyche crept back into the living room.

"Well, we heard that you were having a party, so we thought we'd come and join in on the fun!" Zephyrus replied, a warm and gentle wind apparently emanating from him.

"Why yes, exactly! You know how much we love fun!" Hypnos exclaimed.

Hades raised an eyebrow, before turning to the Erinyes "And you?"

"We were following Mistress Hecate..." Tisiphone hissed

"Her allure is ssssstrong." Alecto added, her serpentine hair thrashing about.

"Um...right...well, you can go in then, I guess..." Hades told them, opening the door and allowing them to fly in.

"Thanks Had-!" Hypnos began, only for Hades to shove him back with one strong hand.

"Not you two!" Hades snapped, glaring at the pair as Thanatos watched on.

"Well why the Tartarus not?" Zephyrus asked, indignant.

"Because Zephyrus, you are a psychotic little twerp with a disturbing lust for violence, unnecessary revenge and mortals, while you Hypnos are a conniving, cowardly little worm who hides behind his mother and acts as Hera's lapdog!" Hades spat.

Hypnos sniffed "Well, if that's the way you feel, maybe you'd like to speak with my mother?"

Hades paused briefly, before scowling "Your threats are meaningless down here, she is powerless in my domain, and even if she wasn't the Underworld is too well defended."

Hypnos paused "Well, that may be so, but you still can't make us leave!"

"Yeah! We're staying right here!" Zephyrus exclaimed, crossing his arms.

Hades sighed "Aegaeon, would you take care of them please?"

"CERTAINLY LORD HADESSSS..." A voice from behind Zephyrus, Hypnos and Thanatos replied with a low, gravelly voice.

The three turned around to see a gigantic centipede like creature, with a monstrous face, antennae and a hundred legs which resembled clawed hands. It reared up to reveal an underbelly covered in dozens of screaming faces, one for each body segment.

With that, Aegaeon picked up Zephyrus and Hypnos and carried them away.

"This isn't over Hades! We will crash one of your parties!" Zephyrus shouted.

Thanatos looked shocked "What was-?"

"That was Aegaeon, one of the Hekatonkheires, the guardians of Tartarus." Hades replied "Wonderful security guards, even more powerful than some of the Titans, believe it or not, they are the ones who make sure they remain in their prison."

"Uh huh...And why didn't you have him throw me out as well?" Thanatos questioned.

Hades shrugged "I know for a fact that you aren't as bad as them, your reputation is undeserved."

Thanatos was silent.

"Would you like to come inside?" Hades asked, although he could guess Thanatos' reply.

"I don't attend anything as trivial as parties or "get-togethers", they are beneath me." Thanatos replied sternly, turning his back on Hades.

The Lord of the Underworld sighed "Very well, but if you change your mind..."

"I won't." Thanatos replied without looking back, before walking off and flipping his hood up.

"You feel sorry for him to?" Eos asked, Tithonus still on her shoulder.

"A little, but I'm sure he'd be displeased to hear it." Hades replied.

"I think he's lonely." Eos muttered.

Maybe...Come on, let's go back inside, what are they doing?" Hades asked.

"Egyptian _Monopoly_." Eos replied.

"So who's winning?"

"Selene...with my help of course!"

In response, Hades ruffled her hair and walked back inside.

"Hey! Don't do that!" Eos exclaimed.

"Make me."

Eos poked her tongue out at Hades, before following him back inside.

* * *

Back at the theatre, Callisto groaned as Dia withdrew the spear which had pierced the bear-constellation thing's heart, before collapsing and turning into more drachma.

Dia turned on Zeus "Dude! Seven ex boyfriends?-! There is something seriously wrong with you!"

"Exes." Zeus corrected.

"What?-! Why do you keep saying-?" Dia began, only to be sent flying when she was struck by a giant chalice.

"Prepare to face my wrath!" A very masculine voice exclaimed.

"Wha-?" Dia began...and then she saw a handsome blond man, giant wings sprouting from his back and carrying a giant golden chalice in his hands "You...he...Oh come on!"

Zeus shrugged "Yeah, meet Ganymede, he was during my "Hot guys Phase"...yeah..." Zeus explained.

"I swear on Troy, you two will both pay!" Ganymede shouted, raising the chalice menacingly...yeah, you can do that, you can raise a chalice menacingly.

"The hell did I do?" Zeus asked.

"You raped me while you were an eagle!" Ganymede exclaimed, enraged that Zeus could forget.

"Oh. Oh yeah...but hey, at least I made you the cupbearer of Olympus!" Zeus replied with a grin.

"That is a sucky job! And what the Tartarus happened to Hebe? Wasn't she the old cupbearer?" Ganymede asked.

"She retired so she could spend time with Heracles." Zeus explained.

"Well, whatever, now that I am here, prepare to meet your doo-Urk!" Ganymede gasped as he was crushed by a gigantic mechanical foot.

"Sorry Ganymede, but we got tired of waiting!" A cyborg girl standing atop the giant's shoulder called down.

She had short black hair, a mechanical left arm, mechanical legs, a metal square and targeting scope over her right eye and carried a large jar on her back.

"Yes, our apologies!" Another woman added as she stood on the other shoulder.

This woman was quite tall and looked as if she was in quite a lot of pain...in fact, it looked as if she had been stitched together, some parts replaced entirely with technology that appeared to have been made by Hephaestus.

"Pandora! Elara! Tityos!" Zeus exclaimed.

"Correction! Pandora version two point O!" Pandora II corrected "The granddaughter refuses to be obsolete!"

Zeus rolled his eyes "Whatever...what happened to Tityos?"

"I assume you mean his new and improved form? Since we recovered him from those ghastly vultures, Pandora here gave him to Hephaestus so he could rebuild him into something...better! He fixed me up to...well, to the best of his abilities anyway." Elara explained.

It did seem like the giant had been through some changes, as now he was almost completely covered in armour which had been grafted straight onto his skin, he torso, neck and face being the only organic parts left. Even his eyes had been replaced by two telescopic lenses.

"What's their story?" Dia asked.

"Well, after my fling with Elara there, she gave birth to Tityos...kinda split her in half, so Gaia had to, err, develop him the rest of the way. Pandora meanwhile, is still kinda sore about me using her grandmother to unleash all of the evils onto mankind, sheesh, you think she'd be over it by now!" Zeus replied, his hands on his hips.

"You will pay for what you did to us Zeus!" Pandora cried.

"Tityos! Kill your douchebag father!" Elara commanded.

"ORDERS RECIEVED, PROCEEDING TO TERMINATE ZEUS AND SLUT." Tityos said in a tinny voice.

"Hey! I am not a slut!" Dia protested.

"You're still dating Zeus." Elara pointed out.

"Well so did you!" Dia shot back.

Elara and Pandora paused and exchanged glances before glaring down at Dia.

"Oh that's it, you are so gonna die!" Pandora shouted.

"But...I thought I was gonna die anyway?" Dia asked.

"Whatever! Just die! Pithos of Negativity! Unleash!" Pandora cried as she took the lid off of the jar on her back and a beam of pure negative energy shot out of it, striking Dia.

"Urgh! Too...much...negativity!" Dia grunted, struggling to find strength.

"Hey, you think that's bad? Try birthing a giant!" Elara cried, doubling over in pain.

"TITYOS PREPARING TO TERMINATE HOSTILE LIFEFORMS!" Tityos exclaimed as he lifted his foot high above Dia, preparing to crush her like an insect.

"Oh no..." Dia muttered as Tityos' foot came down...

* * *

Back in the Underworld, the Gods were moving on to Egyptian _Game of Life_...Yeah, Sobek loves his board games.

"Sweet! I win $300,000!" Eros exclaimed with a grin.

The others groaned.

"How the hell is he so good at this?" Hestia asked.

"I bet he cheats." Selene muttered.

"Can you cheat in the _Game of Life_?" Persephone pondered.

Their discussion was interrupted when a heavily tanned man with a beetle for a head and wearing Egyptian clothing suddenly appeared with a flash of light.

"Khepri?" Hades asked.

"Oh, hey Khepri, what are you doing here?" Sobek asked.

"Ra has called a meeting amongst the Egyptian Gods and he has asked me to retrieve you." Khepri replied.

"Ok, so what's it for? Did Seth try to overthrow Osiris again?" Sobek questioned.

"You remember that guy who started polluting the river? Yeah, well now the son of Apep has turned the sand into a swarm of biting gnats!" Khepri replied, anger creeping into his voice.

"Seriously? Ah, Ma'at damn it!" Sobek cursed, before turning to face the others "Sorry guys, but I gotta go, this little upstart is really causing some problems."

"It's ok, just do what you gotta do." Eros replied.

"Thanks, see ya later guys!" Sobek cried, before he and Khepri disappeared in yet another flash of light.

"Well what now?" Hestia asked.

"Well...there's still a couple of beers left...and he left the games...Egyptian _Uno_?" Persephone suggested.

And so they played Egyptian _Uno_ throughout the...uh, whatever kind of time they have in the Underworld, I don't know, figure it out for yourself.

* * *

"Uh oh..." Pandora muttered.

"Eep!" Elara cried.

Tityos groaned as he fell backwards, pinning the two women under him. No far away, Dia lowered her fist and dusted her hands off.

"Whew...that was tough..." Dia muttered.

Pandora and Elara managed to crawl partway out from under the giant's bulk.

"This isn't over Nymph! We will have our revenge!" Pandora shouted.

"Yeah, Hera's next, and she's the strongest of us all!" Elara added.

Dia rolled her eyes and picked up Tityos, holding him high above her head.

"W-what are you doing?-!" Pandora asked in horror, clinging to Tityos' massive frame.

"I'm going to let you cool off." Dia replied, before flinging the giant with all her strength.

"EEEEEEEEEEE!"

* * *

Far away...

"Ah, praise Poseidon for rebuilding our glorious city!" Kastor exclaimed as he marvelled at the wondrous city of Atlantis.

"Yes, and praise Dionysus as well for turning all of the survivors into dolphins so that we would not drown, and then turning us back into mortals!" Krios added.

"Yeah...swell guy..." Kastor said.

"Yeah..."

"Well, I guess now we can get back to living our lives and doing...stuff!" Kastor exclaimed.

"Oh yes, very important stuff."

"...What the Tartarus is that?" Kastor asked, glancing up.

"...Oh bollocks..." Krios muttered sadly.

And so, once again, Atlantis was swept beneath the waves and lost to the sea. From that day on, it was to be known as "The Day Tityos, Pandora II and Elara Royally Fucked up Atlantis."

* * *

"Well, I guess that settles that then!" Zeus said, beginning to walk off.

"Not quite!" Hera cried, appearing before Dia and the King of the Gods through a bolt of lightning.

"Ah, my darling wife! So, how are things?" Zeus asked with a smile.

Hera spluttered in anger "I'm pissed you idiot! You came here with another mortal and defeated my Guild of Evil Exes!"

"You mean the League?" Dia asked.

"Guild, League, whatever!" Hera snapped "Now you're both going to pay! I swear it!"

Dia stepped away from Zeus "Um, look Hera, I really am sorry for all this."

Zeus scoffed "Don't be a pansy! Finish her!"

Something inside of Dia snapped "You know what? No! I am sick of all this bullshit! I refuse to fight anymore! In fact, I'm going home and I never want to see you again!"

And with that Dia stormed off, leaving a very angry Hera with Zeus.

Zeus glanced at Dia as she left, then at Hera, then down at his feet "...Oh...boy..."

The resulting beating that Hera gave Zeus could be heard for kilometres and ended in the destruction of the Nazca civilization.

* * *

Gauntlet: And there you have it, chapter II of Madness on Olympus...wait, what are Roman numerals doing in a fic about ancient Greece? That doesn't make any sense...not by a long shot...I guess I should be saying chapter two or something...ah, screw it, no one's going to care. Anyway, he hope that you enjoyed, blah, blah, blah, please review, blah, blah, blah and finally...Thanks for reading (blah, blah, blah)!


	3. The One Where Ares and Athena Date

Jasmine: Meow! Hi there, and welcome to Madness on Olympus, chapter 3! The Author off course does not own anything...but we're still not sure if this is Public Domain stuff or not, so...(shrug). Also, thanks to Jesus Luvs Everyone for helping with ideas, go check out her stories, they're really funny ! Anyway, once again, we hope that you enjoy the following story, please, _please_ review and finally...thanks for reading! Ciao

* * *

On Mount Olympus, the Gods were going about their daily business, Pan and Dionysus were trying to outdrink each other, Apollo and Hermes were having a marksmanship contest, Aphrodite was...in her room...with her door locked...Eros was with Psyche and everyone else was just wandering about aimlessly. Suddenly, Hestia dropped the firewood that she had been carrying and let out a gasp.

"Oh my Gods..." Hestia breathed.

The others turned to see what she was looking at and they were all stunned beyond belief.

Ares and Athena, they were walking together...and they had their arms around each other.

"What the Tartarus...?" Pan asked quietly.

Eris pushed past the crowd to see "Ares, what the hell are you doing near that witch? We hate her, remember?"

"Yeah dad...it's creepy..." Deimos added.

"Well Eris, children, Athena and I have some news..." Ares announced.

"Yes, we've decided to put aside our petty squabbles..." Athena added.

The Gods all stood staring, their eyes wide.

Athena sighed and rolled her eyes "We're dating."

Eos sighed sadly.

"Uh huh..." Dionysus said as he grabbed a cup of ambrosia, took a large swig and immediately did a spit take.

Aphrodite suddenly burst out of her room "WHAT?-!"

"Father, have you gone insane?" Adrestia asked.

"Yeah, I'm into the whole incest thing as much as the next God, but even I'm creeped out..." Zeus muttered.

"I don't know, as long as its requited love, I think it's romantic..." Anteros said with a sigh, his wings fluttering.

"That's not helping Anteros!" Harmonia snapped.

Eros meanwhile, was shocked to the point of silence.

Aphrodite stormed up to Ares and Athena "Listen to me you FREAKS! Cut it out! This goes beyond freaky into full on insanity!"

Hephaestus looked indignant "You cheated on me and now you're getting outraged on Ares going out with someone else?"

"SHUT UP!" Aphrodite snapped.

"...Bitch..." Hephaestus muttered under his breath.

"Now just what the hell are you thinking?-! This is sick!" Aphrodite shouted, turning back to Athena and Ares.

Athena smirked "But we're in-"

"Don't say that! Don't you say that!" Aphrodite snapped, before turning to Eros "You didn't accidentally hit them with one of your arrows, did you?"

Eros shook his head frantically "No! I swear!"

Aphrodite growled and turned to Psyche "It was you wasn't it?-!"

Psyche scowled "Don't look at me, Titan scrote!"

Aphrodite screeched in anger and leapt at Psyche, who did the same, only for both of them to be held apart by Eros.

"Mother! Psyche! Please!" Eros pleaded as he struggled to keep the two apart.

At that point, Hades and Persephone walked up to the squabble.

"What's going on now?" A puzzled Persephone asked.

"Dad and Aunt Athena are dating now..." Phobos replied.

"...Right...I think we'll be leaving now..." Hades replied as he and Persephone turned and walked away.

Aphrodite finally calmed down "Alright, say you're dating then..."

"We are." Ares replied.

"Kiss each other." Aphrodite demanded.

Ares and Athena faltered.

"...What?" Athena asked.

"I'm asking you to prove that you...urgh, "love" each other by kissing." Aphrodite replied.

The two paused, before Athena quickly kissed Ares on the cheek.

Aphrodite scoffed "That's not a kiss! Observe..."

At that, Aphrodite turned and tackled Hephaestus , dragging him to the ground.

"Weak dude!" Deimos exclaimed in horror.

"Mother!" Eros cried, shocked.

"Oh...that is...that is not something I needed to see..." Adrestia muttered.

"How sweet!" Anteros gushed.

"Knock it off!" Harmonia snapped.

"Sweet!" Apollo muttered.

"That's my mother!" Eros exclaimed.

"Niiiiice!" Hermes added.

"Oh you guys are dicks!" Eros cried as he stormed off.

"Hey, Eros! Wait!" Psyche called out as she made to follow him.

Eris groaned, sickened by the display as the other Gods clamoured around. Finally, the pair got back up.

"Finally." Hephaestus muttered.

Ares chuckled nervously "Oh, wow, look at the time! I have to go, um...kill something...bye!"

Athena looked down at her feet "Um, yes...I too must...kill something..." At that, she slowly edged away.

Aphrodite raised an eyebrow "Something weird is going on here..."

Eris rolled her eyes "Yeah, our dear Ares has completely lost his mind!"

"No, that's not it...I don't know exactly what it is, but believe me brothers and sisters, I certainly intend to find out! Oh children..."

* * *

In Ares' room, decorated with spears, shields, swords and sets of armour, Ares and Athena leaned against the wall.

"Oh man, that was awesome! They totally fell for it!" Ares exclaimed.

"Well, they are complete morons." Athena replied.

"Oh so true..." Ares said.

"Ok, Phase One for Operation: Messing With Their Heads is complete, now we move on to Phase Two!" Athena stated.

"...And what happens in that phase again?" Ares asked.

Athena sighed "You really are an idiot."

"At least I'm not a petty bitch." Ares shot back.

"What did you call me?-!" Athena snarled.

"A petty, spiteful bitch!" Ares snapped.

"You egotistical lunatic!"

"Hey, I can back up what I said! Arachne!" Ares called out.

There was a sudden burst of flame, and when it ceased, there stood a horribly deformed woman. She had the lower body of a spider, complete with eight legs, but the upper torso of a young woman. However, in place of hands, she had giant spiders, which were writhing around, and where her hair should have been, there was an exoskeleton, with six claw like prehensile legs, and an additional eight eyes on her forehead.

"Yessss?" Arachne asked.

"Could you please explain what Athena did to you?" Ares asked with a smirk directed at Athena, who scowled in response.

"I bragged about my skills and challenged Athena to a weaving competition...and then she turned me into some sort of Spider-Monstrosity when I won..." Arachne replied sadly.

"And that's what you get for bragging!" Athena snapped, before teleporting Arachne away.

"Face it sis, you're a jerk." Ares smirked.

"Am not!" Athena shouted.

"Are too!"

"Am not!"

"Are too! Need more proof? Amphinomous!" Ares shouted.

In a flash of shadow stood Thanatos, and with him was a young man with a spear sticking out of his chest.

"What?" Thanatos growled.

"Good, you're here, I called you here to prove a point to my sister!" Ares informed the pair.

Thanatos narrowed his eyes and growled.

"Now, Amphinomous, can you please explain what killed you?" Ares asked.

"Uh, a spear to the back?" Amphinomous replied.

"Right, and who threw that spear?" Ares persisted.

"...Telemachus."

"Well, kinda, ya see, even though Odysseus, Penelope and Telemachus thought you were a swell guy, Athena still wanted you dead because you were a suitor." Ares told him.

Amphinomous looked hurt "Hey! I was the best behaved and I was nice to that beggar! Tartarus, I even tried to get the others to stop being such dicks!"

"Can I go now?" Thanatos asked.

"Sure, sure." Ares replied with a slight wave of his hand.

With that, Thanatos disappeared in yet another puff of shadow.

Athena glared at Ares "You arrogant little-!"

Ares raised his hands up as if to calm her down "Hey, popular opinion doesn't lie!"

In response, Athena raised her spear and pointed it at Ares, and almost instantly, dozens of small blue threads shot out, ensnaring the other God of war.

Ares however, just laughed "Oh dearie me, what a pity, I've been tied up with threads!" At that, six blades burst out of Ares' back, cutting the threads to ribbons...wait, what?

Athena growled and levelled her spear at Ares again, but this time, she fired a bright yellow beam of energy at him, that sent him flying into his wardrobe.

Picking himself up, dazed Ares groaned "Ok, that one actually managed to hurt me...but just you wait! In three seconds, when I get my breath back...y-you're toast!"

It was at that point that the wardrobe door broke free of its hinges and Eros, Anteros, Phobos, Deimos, Harmonia and Adrestia fell out in a heap.

"Uh oh..." Phobos muttered as Ares and Athena stared down at them.

"Remember, show no fear." Adrestia whispered to her siblings.

"And what" Athena asked "Where you doing in there?"

"Eavesdropping." Anteros replied.

Harmonia promptly smacked him on the back of his head "Idiot!"

Ares frowned "Now kids, what have I told you about sneaking into my room, hiding in my wardrobe and listening to my very private conversations?"

"Well, uh, nothing dad, it's never really come up before..." Deimos replied.

"Oh...well then...from now on, no sneaking into my room, hiding in my wardrobe and listening to my very private conversations, ya hear?" Ares asked.

"Yes sir..." His children replied.

"So wait, this relationship between you and aunt Athena is all a lie?" Eros asked.

"Well, uh...yes..." Ares answered hesitantly.

Eros paused, before leaping into the air with joy "Yes!"

"Now the only question that remains is what to do with you?" Athena murmured.

Eros suddenly landed back on the ground and chuckled nervously "Uh...what?"

"Well, I'd like this charade to continue for a little while longer and I can't have any of you brats ruining it!" Athena snapped as she pointed her spear at Eros "So, I'll have to silence you..."

It was at that point that Ares tackled her and both of them were sent flying out the window and off Mount Olympus "No one threatens my children!"

Athena scoffed as she beat Ares over the head with her shield "Oh please, what's the big deal? Just a bunch of snarky little brats!"

"Why you-!" Ares began, before the two landed right in the middle of the Atlantic Ocean, where they continued their fight, brawling and scrapping.

"HEY! HEY!" The very ocean itself seemed to shout "WHAT IN OURANOS' NAME ARE YOU TWO DOING?-!"

At that, the water churned and bubbled, until it rose up and formed a huge, masculine figure made out of seawater. It had crab like pincers on its head, a great beard made out of coral, numerous waterspouts forming from its back, a serpentine tail and crustacean like legs in place of fingers.

Ares snarled "Stay out of this Oceanus! This is none of your business!"

Oceanus glared at them "YOU FORGOT WHO YOU ARE SPEAKING TO! I AM OCEANUS! LORD OF THE ATLANTIC! MASTER OF WATER AND ENERGY!"

"Aw shove it!" Ares snapped as he threw Athena's shield at him, making a huge gash in his shoulder, which promptly closed over.

"VERY WELL THEN, YOU LEAVE ME WITH NO CHOICE..." And with that, Oceanus collapsed, turning into a fast current, which sped off in the opposite direction.

"Well that showed him!" Ares said proudly.

"He never was one for confrontation, remember when Heracles threatened him and he backed off?" Athena asked.

Ares chuckled "Oh yeah...Anyway, where were we?"

"Well, I was punching you in the face and you were trying to break my arm."

"Oh, right, well, back to business then!"

And at that, the two resumed their fight.

* * *

Elsewhere, Oceanus was flowing to a small island, where a giant statue sat down on a throne. The statue was vaguely humanoid, but had numerous shallow grooves etched into its surface, crab like legs growing out of the back of its head, pincers for horns, round feet and Oceanus' crustacean esque fingers.

"I'LL SHOW THOSE LITTLE PRAGS! THEY'LL REGRET INSULTING ME! OH YES, THEY'LL REGRET IT ALL RIGHT!" Oceanus grumbled to himself as he flowed into the grooves of the statue.

When he was done, the statue's eyes shot open, glowing bright blue as did the water in the grooves. Electricity crackled and sparked as the Oceanus possessed statue stood up and walked off.

* * *

Back at the fight scene, Ares and Athena were still...well, fighting. Suddenly, they both felt faint tremors, which were growing larger each time.

"What the Tartarus is that?" Athena asked.

"Earthquake? Did we piss Poseidon off somehow?" Ares asked.

"No, Poseidon lords over the Mediterranean Sea, this is the domain of Oceanus and Tethys..." Athena replied after some thought.

Ares scoffed "Like those douche bags would do anything!"

It was at that point that the water burst out from under them, sending them flying and unveiling Oceanus.

"I'M BACK...BITCHES...ISN'T THAT WHAT PEOPLE NORMALLY DO WHEN THEY'RE UPSET AND WHAT TO EMPHASIZE THEIR EMOTIONS? AD BITCH TO THE END OF THEIR SENTENCES?" Oceanus asked.

Ares and Athena glanced at each other, before glaring at Oceanus.

"Oh now it is on like...I dunno, Typhon!" Ares snapped.

"You aim high, I aim low!" Athena commanded as she raised her spear and shield

* * *

Meanwhile...

"Ah, than Poseidon for saving our fine city once again!" Xeno cried as he surveyed the recently restored city.

"Yes, it sure was nice of him." Zethos added "Not to mention Dionysus turning us into sea creatures to stop us from drowning...again."

"Yep, but with all that bad fortune behind us, I'm sure from now on it'll be smooth sailing for the Atlanteans!" Xeno said with a smile.

Suddenly, the skies darkened and a faint whistling sound was heard, looking up, the two Atlanteans cringed.

"Oh. My. Gods..." Xeno whispered.

"Aw Motherfu-!" Zethos began.

And so did that day come to be known as "The Day that Oceanus, Athena and Ares had a Massive Three Way Brawl That Started in the Atlantic Ocean But Ended up in the Mediterranean and Totally Fucked Atlantis' Shit Up."...Yep.

* * *

Back on Mount Olympus, the children of Ares were watching the battle.

Phobos and Deimos looked happy "Yes! It looks like dad's back to his old violent self!"

Anteros sighed sadly "Oh well, there goes another romance..."

Harmonia glared at him "It wasn't real dumbass!"

Eros sighed in relief "Thank Olympia for that..." He whispered.

"So...what now?" Adrestia asked.

At that point, Eris appeared "Why don't you all get totally smashed with Aunt Eris!"

The others shrugged

"Eh."

"Sure."

"Why not?"

"Chaotic bitch." Harmonia whispered.

And so they all got totally hammered.

It was awesome...

...And also ended with the complete destruction of Atlantis.

* * *

Jasmine: Meow! Well, that was it, and we hope that you enjoyed it, buuuuuuut, regrettably Madness on Olympus will be going on hiatus because while the Author enjoys writing it, he's kinda strapped for ideas right now. Don't worry though, there is hope! The Author does plan to continue this, so it isn't finished for good...he just needs new ideas! So, please feel free to make some suggestions? Ok? Meow! Anyway, we hope you enjoyed, please don't forget to leave a review and slash or a suggestion and finally...thanks for reading ! Meow!


	4. Jason and the Argonauts in Zmey Troubles

Zatch: Hey there, Zatch here to introduce ...Madness on Olympus! Chapter four. Note that this chapter was done with help from the author ABSOLute Chimera, so be sure to check out her stories, they're awesome! Anyway, we're pretty sure that all this stuff is in the public domain, but just to be safe...The Author owns nothing except for his OCs! Wait...that means he gave me the name Heatherine! Oh God damn it! Well, I'll deal with him later, but right now, please enjoy the following tale, don't forget to review, and finally...thanks for reading! Bye! Now where is he? I'm gonna need my lead pipe for this one...

* * *

"Jason, just admit it, we're lost."

"We're not lost Atalanta, we're just...not totally sure where we are..." Jason replied.

"That's exactly what lost is Jason." Atalanta said with a frown.

"...Really?" Jason asked.

Atalanta sighed "Yes!"

"Oh...well then we may be in trouble..." Jason murmured.

Atalanta glared at Jason, before turning to face the crew of The _Argo _"Calaïs! Zetes!" Atalanta shouted.

Instantly, two young men with wings growing out of their backs, and a second, smaller pair growing out of their heels flew down to see what Atalanta wanted.

"You called darling Atalanta?" Zetes asked as he hovered before her.

"First, where the hell are we? Second, don't call me darling!" Atalanta snapped.

"Hey, chill out _dear _Atalanta-" Calaïs began.

He was promptly interrupted when Atalanta hit him in the head with her shield.

"Next time, that'll be a spear to your gut!" Atalanta warned "Now, where are we?"

"Far from Greece I'd say, just feel that wind! It's definitely the work of our father, Lord Boreas." Zetes answered.

Calaïs glanced around "Hey look! It's starting to snow!"

"Excellent, the snow will add to my power! Not to mention the ice will give off a great reflection of my beauty" Theseus, the son of Poseidon exclaimed as he strode over to the others.

"Ugh, hello Theseus." Zetes greeted warily.

"And how is his highness of the Giant Ego?" Calaïs asked.

In response, Theseus whacked him with the flat of his spear.

"Ow! Why do people keep doing that?" Calaïs asked.

"Because you're a treacherous little prick perhaps?" Heracles questioned, appearing behind Calaïs.

"Gah! H-hi Heracles..." Calaïs stammered nervously.

"What do you want?" Zetes asked as he circled around the large demigod.

"I _wanted _to know what all the commotion was about. As usual, it sounds like you and your idiot brother are behind it!" Heracles said with a sneer.

"Why you overgrown-!" Calaïs snarled.

"Hey! Hey! Look at me! Meeeee!" Theseus shouted, jumping up and down and waving as he did so.

Their arguing was interrupted when Jason whistled, gaining their attention.

"Hey guys, let's save the sparring for later! Right now, we've got a new land to explore!" Jason exclaimed, a wide smile lighting up his face.

The others looked up at him, puzzled? New land?

CRASH!

They were all promptly thrown off their feet when The _Argo _struck a beach.

"Oh Gods no!" Argus cried out in horror as his beloved ship ran aground.

"Well, step one: Land on new land, check! Step two: Explore new land! Hey Argus, you take some men and cut down some wood to repair the ship while Atalanta, Zetes, Calaïs, Heracles, Theseus, Laertes, Philoctetes, Polyphemus and I go out and explore, ok?" Jason asked, still smiling.

Argus sobbed frantically as he inspected the damage done to his ship "Curse you Jason you idiot! Curse yooooooouuuuuuu!" Argus wailed.

Jason chuckled in response "Thanks Argus, knew I could count on you! Come on guys, adventure ho!"

* * *

On Mount Olympus...

"...And so I said "Well what are _you _going to do about it?"" Zeus recounted to his fellow Gods.

"And what happened then?" Pan asked with apprehension.

"Well, then Poseidon and me proceeded to kick the shit out of him, murdered his children, destroy his crops and turn his wife into some kind of unspeakably hideous monster! That showed him!" Zeus answered.

"Yes, I'm sure that he learned his lesson about misspelling your name as "Zees"." Hades muttered in disgust.

"You're damned right it did Clymenus!" Zeus agreed, not noticing the sarcasm.

Hades grit his teeth in response to being called Clymenus and for what seemed like the one hundredth time, held his bident in a death grip. He was about to open his mouth to protest when a man with long black hair, a beard, horns atop his head and four dragon like wings ran past.

"Gangway! 'Scuse me! Coming through!" The man shouted as he ran past, pushing anyone who got in his way to the floor.

"...Who was that?" Hestia asked.

"I dunno, but his rudeness had a certain flair to it." Poseidon replied.

There was a whistling sound and suddenly, a stone arrow found its way into the dining table before them.

"What the-?" Eros began, leaning in close to see the arrow.

Suddenly, the arrow began to spark and then exploded spectacularly.

"What the Tartarus was that?-!" Ares shouted.

"Eris, did you do this?-!" Athena snapped.

"Don't look at me, I just use apples!" Eris replied defensively.

"Damn! Missed him again!" A voice exclaimed in frustration.

"Alright, whoever said that had better hope that they lived a long and happy life because it's going to end in about five seconds!" Poseidon snarled as he pulled out his trident.

"Father, I think we've disrupted a banquet." A second voice piped up.

"Yeah, nice shot there dad." A third, feminine voice added.

As the smoke cleared, the Greek Pantheon saw three Gods standing before them. One was standing in a chariot being pulled by a goat, and they could see that he was a muscled warrior with a long, red beard, carried an axe in one hand and a golden apple in the other ("He stole my bit!" Eris exclaimed). On his back were a quiver of arrows and a wooden bow. They could also see strange symbols on his forehead and the back of his hands, and looking closer, Hades could also see that they were also where his irises should be. Beside him was a black, winged horse. Holding onto the horse's reins was a blonde young man, who seemed to glow with a golden light. In his mouth was a blade of wheat, which he was absentmindedly chewing. On the horse was a pretty young woman with brown hair and a cold look, making even Apollo and Hermes nervous to try any of their tricks on her.

"Alright, prepare to die!" Poseidon snarled as he raised his trident, which began to glow.

"NO!" Hades, Hestia, Eros, Selene, Eos, Persephone, Hermes and Pan shouted as they all promptly proceeded to tackle Poseidon.

"...You are all going to pay." Poseidon muttered as he and the others lay in a heap.

Hades picked himself up and approached the newcomers "Um, hello, my name is Hades and I welcome you to Olympus. I'm sure we'd be glad to help you with, uh...whatever it is that you're doing...what is it that you're doing?"

The God in the chariot stepped out and approached Hades "My name is Perun, the God of thunder and lightning."

Hades peered behind him "And, uh, your companions...?"

Perun turned "These are my children, Jarilo, the God of Spring, fertility and war..."

"War? Hi, Eris, glad to meet you!" Eris greeted, walking up to Jarilo with a deceptively warm smile adorning her face...

...Only to be stopped when the young woman accompanying the pair stepped between the two and gave Eris an incredibly cold glare.

"...And my daughter Morana, the Goddess of Winter, death and nightmares." Perun concluded.

"Nightmares? Cool!" Hypnos exclaimed.

Phobetor sighed "You know brother? Sometimes you can be a real dick. Dreams are the domain of the Oneiroi, no one else. Correct brothers?"

Icelos and Morpheus began nodding furiously. In response, Morana turned her glare on them, and they suddenly found themselves trapped within a block of ice.

"What the-?" A stunned Phobetor began, only to be silenced when Morana kicked him in the jaw, sending him flying.

With astounding grace, Morana floated back to where she had been before.

"Whoa..." Eros muttered.

"Oh I like this girl!" Ares beamed.

"Excuse my wife, she has quite the temper on her, don't you dear?" Jarilo addressed the others.

"I only punish those who deserve it, husband." Morana replied.

"...She scares me..." Helios whimpered.

"Everything scares you." Apollo sneered.

"And what is it that you came here for?" Hades asked.

"We seek Veles the dragon." Perun replied.

"The...dragon?" Hades repeated, uncertain.

Perun nodded "Aye, he is the God of the Underworld, dragons, cattle and trickery. Every year that bastard steals my cattle and so I go after him, kill him, get my stuff back, he gets better and we repeat the cycle. This time however, he fled to your lands and so we pursued him here."

"Awesome tradition! Why can't we do something like that? I know, we'll hunt Helios!" Ares exclaimed, drawing his sword.

Helios squealed and his behind his sisters.

"Hey! Leave my brother alone!" Eos cried.

"No. Don't hurt him. I beg you." Selene muttered flatly.

"Moving on from these repeated distractions, do you need any help with your quest?" Hades asked, ignoring his peers.

"You know these lands better than us, so we shall accept your help." Perun replied.

"Right, I suppose we should check out the-" Hades began, only to be cut off.

"Not so fast dear Clymenus!" Artemis broke in.

Hades shuddered and grit his teeth in frustration "What Artemis?"

"As the God and Goddess of hunting for non recreational purposes, we demand to join you!" Apollo exclaimed.

"We are the obvious choices!" Artemis pointed out.

"And if Apollo is going, then so am I!" Hermes added.

Hades sighed and covered the faceplate on his helmet "Fine! Just don't bother us while we hunt! Got it?"

"Of course!"

"Wouldn't dream of it!"

"Make me!" Apollo snapped.

Hades frowned, this was _not _going to be pleasant.

* * *

Elsewhere, Jason was leading his expedition through the snow, oblivious to the blistering cold. Close by was Theseus, Zetes and Calaïs, who were quite at home in the snow and the harsh wind respectively.

Heracles, Atalanta, Philoctetes and Laertes on the other hand...

"Gods damn it Jason! It's freaking freezing!" Atalanta shouted.

"Nonsense! It's just a little chilly, that's all!" Jason attempted to reassure her.

"No, it's actually freezing." Laertes pointed out.

"Jason, I think some of your fingers are turning black..." Philoctetes pointed out.

"Nonsense! I'm sure it's just dirt of something!" Jason replied...as one of his fingers snapped off.

The others stared in silence. Finally, Atalanta turned to walk off.

"That's it! I'm going back to the ship!" Atalanta exclaimed.

"Me too." Philoctetes muttered.

"Ditto." Laertes added.

"Hey, wait for us!" Zetes called out as he and his brother flew after them.

"Ah, well I guess it's just us, eh lads?" Jason asked as he turned to face Heracles and Theseus.

Or rather just Theseus, as Heracles was now trudging off after the others.

Theseus looked around "Well, as...fun, as wandering around aimlessly is, I think I'll go back so that the rest of the men can enjoy my gorgeous physique!"

"Oh...ok then! I guess I'll just go off and explore on my own then! See you guys back at the ship!" Jason called out after them as he began to trudge away in the opposite direction.

"Crazy idiot, I don't know why we follow him..." Atalanta murmured as she and the others walked off.

"I know, he's like, totally insane-" Philoctetes began.

Suddenly, a huge shadow passed over them and a sudden, fierce wind nearly knocked all but Heracles over.

"What was that?-!" Calaïs cried out.

An unearthly roar sounded above them, and they all looked up in time to see a gigantic, three headed beast soaring overhead on wings half the length of heleopolis.

"What the Tartarus is that thing?-!" Laertes exclaimed.

"Whatever it is, it looks like a challenge!" Heracles said with relish.

With another roar, the beast landed with a crash in front of them, dwarfing even Heracles.

"Yipes! Time to get the Tartarus out of Dodge!" Theseus shrieked as he tried to run away.

His escape was interrupted however when he ran straight into Jason, who had seen the creature fly overhead and followed it back.

"Theseus! You were coming to get me, weren't you? Well, never mind now, I'm here!" Jason exclaimed.

"Hey, that's great, so now I'll just leave you guys to take care of this thing! Byehopeyoudon'tdie!" Theseus cried before trying to flee again.

"Nonsense! We'll take it on together!" Jason said, grabbing the neck of Theseus' armour to stop him from running off.

The creature stood there, observing them. All three heads growled and bared their teeth, drooling copiously.

"Alright then, I guess this is it. I always did want to go down fighting." Atalanta muttered.

"My one regret is that I shall never see my son grow up." Laertes said sadly.

"Oh, I wouldn't worry about it. I asked Clotho and she said he'd grow up to be a dick." Calaïs informed him.

In response, Laertes punched him.

Suddenly, the beast lunged at them. Atalanta nimbly leapt to the side before throwing a bola at the lead head. Meanwhile, Theseus was taking control of the snow and hurling it at the head on the right. Distracting said head were Zetes and Calaïs, who were flying around it. Taking on the head on the left was Heracles, who had grabbed on to it and was punching it repeatedly. Laertes and Philoctetes had since brought out bows and were firing on the beast, only for the arrows to bounce off its scales.

"Wow, this sure is exciting, isn't it?" Jason asked as he sat down on the creature's tail, oblivious to its attempts to shake him off.

"What the-? Jason, will you help us?-!" Atalanta snapped as she had to jump to avoid one of the heads attempts to devour her.

"Ok, ok! Wheee!" Jason cried out as he ran along the beast's back, hacking and slashing at it.

Somewhat unimpressed, the beast roared and shook Jason off its back, where he landed harmlessly in the snow.

"Hey look! Snow angels!" Jason exclaimed as he lost all focus on the giant monster right in front of hm.

"It's no use! Our attacks don't even faze it!" Zetes shouted as he flew overhead.

"Weak dude!" Philoctetes cried.

"What I wouldn't give for a platoon of ant people!" Heracles grunted as the beast finally managed to shake the Demi-God free.

"You mean Myrmidons?" Calaïs corrected.

In response, Heracles threw him at the beast "No one corrects me bitch!"

Suddenly, they all heard a whistling sound. Seconds later, a number of javelins flew through the air and pierced the creature's hide. It let loose a roar of pain, before looking around to see where the javelins had come from.

Sitting astride a horse was a well armoured man. On his back was a quiver of arrows, a bow and an instrument which none of the Greeks were familiar with.

"Who is he?" Heracles asked.

"STYLISH! Nice outfit!" Philoctetes cried.

The others stared at him for a few moments, before remembering that there was a three headed beast behind them.

Not that it mattered, as soon as it saw the warrior, it took to the air and flew off. The man on the horse cursed and proceeded over to the Argonauts.

"W-who are you?" Theseus asked, peering inquisitively at the newcomer.

"My name is Dobrynya Nikitich, I am a bogatyr of this land." The warrior answered.

"Bogatyr?" Laertes asked.

"A hero in other words." Dobrynya elaborated.

"What was that thing?" Atalanta asked.

"That was a Zmey, fierce creatures who enjoy destruction. I have been tracking this one for some time." Dobrynya replied.

"Well, you seemed to know how to hurt it in any case." Zetes said.

"So this is a quest?" Jason asked.

"Well, yes, I suppose you could call it a quest..." Dobrynya answered uncertainly.

"Awesome! We'll join you then! Won't we guys?" Jason asked, turning to his "fearless" crew.

There was muttering of half hearted agreement.

"Well, if you're sure you want to risk it..."

"We totally are! It's gonna be awesome!" Jason exclaimed.

Dobrynya shrugged "So, who are you exactly?"

"My name is Jason! And these are my Argonauts! Atalanta, Theseus, Heracles, Zetes, Calaïs, Philoctetes and Laertes!" Jason replied, pointing out each of his men.

"You're Greek?" Dobrynya asked.

"Sure are! Oh how Greek we are! Yessir, the Greekiest!" Jason exclaimed, much to the confusion of his crew.

"Hmmm, my hat is from Greece." Dobrynya muttered, before spurring his horse forward "Come, we have a long journey ahead of us, and no time to rest."

"Wahoo! This is gonna be awesome! Quest ho!" Jason cried as he ran after Dobrynya.

Atalanta and the other Argonauts sighed.

"Why do I get the feeling that this is going to suck beyond all possible comprehension?" Zetes asked.

* * *

Back in Greece, the Gods were roaming through the countryside, searching for Veles.

"So, uh, can this guy shape shift? Perhaps have some extra powers that we should know about?" Hermes asked as he held out his staff, ready to fire.

"Veles can take on many forms, I will be able to tell if it is him though, so you needn't worry." Perun reassured the younger God.

Apollo meanwhile, was trying his luck with Morana.

"So, when this is over, how would you like to-" Apollo began.

"No." Morana replied flatly, cutting the Light God off.

"But you didn't let me finish!" Apollo protested.

"Doesn't matter, whatever you say, the answer will always be no." Morana told him.

"But what if I-?"

Morana shot him one of her glares and Apollo suddenly felt himself go cold all over. Taking the hint, he backed off.

"Sheesh, what's her problem?" Apollo asked Artemis.

"You really are an idiot, brother." Artemis said, rolling her eyes.

Ahead, Hades and Hestia were keeping their eyes peeled for Veles with Jarilo and Perun.

"So, he steals your cattle?" Hestia asked.

"Indeed. It is annoying." Perun replied.

"Have you ever considered getting a guard dog? I can recommend a very good person to get them from." Hades suggested.

"And who would that be?" Perun asked.

"Typhon, a giant who's imprisoned under Mount Etna, he and his wife Echidna regularly have hideous little demon spawn. I got my dog, Cerberus, from him." Hades answered.

Perun seemed to consider it, before shaking his head "I think I prefer chasing Veles around to training some disgusting monster."

Hades shrugged "Suit yourself."

Suddenly, a loud roaring startled them.

"What was that?" Jarilo asked.

A second roar joined the first, this one different in pitch however.

"That was Veles, I'm not sure what the other one was though." Perun replied.

"It came from over there!" Hestia exclaimed.

They all rushed to the source of the noise, to find Veles engaged in a struggle with a gargantuan snake like dragon. Both were covered in scratches and were bleeding profusely.

"What is that?-!" Jarilo gasped.

"The serpent Ladon." Hades revealed "He guards the tree which bears the golden apples. Evidently, Veles must have tried to take one."

"Give! Me! An! Apple!" Veles shouted as he punched Ladon.

In response, Ladon bit down on Veles arm, causing him to cry out.

"Should we do something?" Hestia asked.

"Actually, I'd like to see how this turns out." Perun replied, sitting down to watch the spectacle "Anyone got anything to eat?"

"We brought wine!" Pan and Dionysus cried, appearing from...somewhere.

"Um, well, I guess we'll just sit back and watch then..." Hades muttered in surprise.

And so they all sat down to watch Veles and Ladon locked in combat.

* * *

Zatch: So, yeah, this is a two parter, sorry! We know it's a cop out, so blame the lazy author. Anyway, we hope that you enjoyed, please remember to review and finally...thanks for reading!


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